niedziela, 16 października 2011

What's hiding in your closet ?

  Being sick is like part of your life is taken away and you have to struggle to survive. That is why it is sometimes better to stop thinking about sad things and put all the worries into the closet where they can just be far away from your sight.... And then you can smile to others, try to live happy, normally life like everyone else, pretend everything  is alright and be satisfied with life despite all the inconveniences hidden in the closet. However worries are still there, they grow in strength in the darkness cause they have never ever been solved. It often happens that sooner or later the closet explodes and millions of unresolved problems surround you... 
  I realized this can happen with my closet....

 Yes and I  don't satisfy the requirements of being "NORMAL" in the society. I have heard that "I AM NOT NORMAL" from people in my childhood because I have got such disease that my legs look different. So I wear clothes that hide difference between my legs; I don't take part in "normal people" activities, cause I am so afraid of being rejected; I prefer not to meet with someone when my leg hurts me and don't tell this person why I do so; I don't answer question or lie when someone asks me : Why do you limp ?;  I dream of doing things which I never do, because deeply inside I feel useless and unwanted; I let others degrade my value and despite that I am still nice for them; I pretend to be happy and bubbly outside  so I would be accepted....and when I come back home I cry alone in the corner of my room near the closet... I also have learnt that even the closest family and friends don't like to listen and talk about pain, death and diseases cause it's a tough subject . 
  Yes, I am so afraid of the demons hidden in my closet but I have to face them to be truly happy. I think the proccess of letting them out and healing my broken heart and soul will last.... But there is hope !

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