What's hiding in your closet ?

  Being sick is like part of your life is taken away and you have to struggle to survive. That is why it is sometimes better to stop thinking about sad things and put all the worries into the closet where they can just be far away from your sight.... And then you can smile to others, try to live happy, normally life like everyone else, pretend everything  is alright and be satisfied with life despite all the inconveniences hidden in the closet. However worries are still there, they grow in strength in the darkness cause they have never ever been solved. It often happens that sooner or later the closet explodes and millions of unresolved problems surround you... 
  I realized this can happen with my closet....

 Yes and I  don't satisfy the requirements of being "NORMAL" in the society. I have heard that "I AM NOT NORMAL" from people in my childhood because I have got such disease that my legs look different. So I wear clothes that hide difference between my legs; I don't take part in "normal people" activities, cause I am so afraid of being rejected; I prefer not to meet with someone when my leg hurts me and don't tell this person why I do so; I don't answer question or lie when someone asks me : Why do you limp ?;  I dream of doing things which I never do, because deeply inside I feel useless and unwanted; I let others degrade my value and despite that I am still nice for them; I pretend to be happy and bubbly outside  so I would be accepted....and when I come back home I cry alone in the corner of my room near the closet... I also have learnt that even the closest family and friends don't like to listen and talk about pain, death and diseases cause it's a tough subject . 
  Yes, I am so afraid of the demons hidden in my closet but I have to face them to be truly happy. I think the proccess of letting them out and healing my broken heart and soul will last.... But there is hope !

Zwycięstwo - Winning

The real loser is not the man who crosses the finish line as the last but the one who sits back and does not even try to compete. 

Oscar Pistorius's mother in a letter written to him when he was 11 months and had surgery to remove the legs from the knee down.

Check his site. He is great ! Oscar Pistorius



Polish version
Prawdziwym przegranym nie jest człowiek, któy przekracza linię mety jako ostatni, ale ten, który siedzi z boku i nawet nie próbuje konkurować.

Matka Oscara Pistoriusa w liście napisanym do niego, kiedy miał 11 miesięcy i był po operacji usunięcia nóg od kolan w dół.....  


Update
Recently I found in web this picture and I think it would be good if I post it here... Maybe it is young Oscar or a boy like him who is running without legs. In a way I think it is a miracle or, some may say, miracle of science that they can realize their dreams about running and especially walking. I think most of us don't appreciate things we have untill we loose them... 

 

 

Cody 

 

Scout

“Don't ever give up! If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
- Martin Luther King Jr. 

AND JUST DO IT !

Hope you are doing great.  Stay inspired and encouraged ! 

Ps. Not to spoil the ending for you, but everything is going to be OKAY ;) 

Carry on - Robert Service

It’s easy to fight when everything’s right,
And you’re mad with thrill and the glory;
It’s easy to cheer when victory’s near,
And wallow in fields that are gory.
It’s a different song when everything’s wrong,
When you’re feeling infernally mortal;
When it’s ten against one, and hope there is none,
Buck up, little soldier, and chortle:


Carry on! Carry on!
There isn’t much punch in your blow.
You are glaring and staring and hitting out blind;
You are muddy and bloody, but never you mind.
Carry on! Carry on!
You haven’t the ghost of a show.
It’s looking like death, but while you’ve a breath,
Carry on, my son! Carry on!


And so in the strife of the battle of life
It’s easy to fight when you’re winning;
It’s easy to slave, and starve and be brave,
When the dawn of success is beginning.
But the man who can meet despair and defeat
With a cheer, there’s the man of God’s choosing;
The man who can fight to Heaven’s own height
Is the man who can fight when he’s losing.


Carry on! Carry on!
Thing never were looming so black.
But show that you haven’t a cowardly streak,
And though you’re unlucky you never are weak.
Carry on! Carry on!
Brace up for another attack.
It’s looking like hell, but – you never tell.
Carry on, old man! Carry on!


There are some who drift out in the desert of doubt
And some who in brutishness wallow;
There are others, I know, who in piety go
Because of a Heaven to follow.
But to labor with zest, and to give of your best,
For the sweetness and joy of the giving;
To help folks along with a hand and a song;
Why, there’s the real sunshine of living.


Carry on! Carry on!
Fight the good fight and true;
Believe in your mission, greet life with a cheer;
There’s big work to do, and that’s why you are here.
Carry on! Carry on!
Let the world be the better for you;
And at last when you die, let this be your cry!
Carry on, my soul! Carry on!

Inspiration of the day

We've been conditioned to live from the outside in... All successful people live from the inside out. THEY DECIDE HOW THEY'RE GONNA TO LIVE. They're not victims of circumstances. In good times or bad times they know where they are going and they know they're gonna get there.... We become what we think about... You have no idea how GOOD you are...what you can accomplish...
Inspiration of the day - Bob Proctor 

The funniest thing is....

when I was born I was really healthy baby and there was no sign on heaven or earth that such terrible disease could come... After birth I got 9 points in Agpar score and weighed 3500g... 

So maybe somewhere along the line a bad fairy came and put a spell on me that I can't be happy and live healthy live. This happened somewhere around third week of my life....(Has anoyone maybe have heard about gathering of witches around 20 to 31 April 1984 in Poland ? Cause then I would know who's responsible for that ;)....

When you look at the picture below you will see how my big toes in left and right foot differ. My older sis who was then 7 years old had noticed that.... I can't even imagine how my Mum must have been terrified and frightened... 

This violet stain on my stomach is from some kind of medicine.

And a close-up boys and girls. I know you want it ;) Who can see a difference? The best answers win ;)

  

    That is all for now. Stay tuned.

Question about Pamela Anderson

Interestingly, from an identity standpoint, what does it mean to have a disability? Pamela Anderson has more prosthetic in her body than I do and nobody calls her disabled.

Aimee Mullins, Ted Conference, How My Legs Give Me Super-Powers, February 2009

My computed tomography

 

 

   

  

I have to really search hard and deep for the point of my life when I look at those pics cause my soul weeps ... Especially when the doctors again say they really don't know what to do....